Valentine Bride

When God said in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good for man to be alone, did he imply that God's own fellowship was insufficient to satisfy Adam? What was it that was not good? ~ John Piper

This was a question I relayed to my little Desiring God study group on Thursday night from the book's study guide. Read it again. It's more important than you may realize.

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." (Genesis 2:18)

"It is not good." Is God not good enough for Adam? Does this nullify something like what the psalmist said in Psalm 73:25-26?

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I will give Piper's answer and my own explanation in a minute. Feel the weight of this dilemma. Let it sink in, if you can. Is all of Him, in the words of Chris Tomlin's song Enough, more than enough for all of me? Or is there more I'm looking for, as Derek Webb asks in his amazing song Wedding Dress?

I relayed a life experience to my class I had two years ago this Monday. I was at the wedding of my great friend, Josh Williams. I had just started Piper's The Pleasures of God, which God used to open me up to new vistas of His glory I had never known. That week was life-changing for me, as He came down in power and drew me so close to Him as He revealed Himself to me.

My brother had gotten married a few months before, and my best friend Jonathan Carroll had gotten married a year previous. Together with Josh and I, we were a sort of Four Musketeers, if you will. Now, with Josh getting married, the three of them with corresponding better halves would do "couple pictures" and all that sort of thing. This isn't a bash on Josh, as this was his week to celebrate and I was thrilled for him and for the others. It did leave me a lot feeling like I was on the outside looking in.

But no matter, I had this newfound relationship with the Lord. The night of the wedding those of us in the wedding party took a trek over to Chili's and I tried to convey this view of God to my friends. For whatever reason, it felt like I was connecting with no one and everyone wanted to go on in a stream of triviality. I really just needed to be alone during that time, because there's a time for joking and being light-hearted.

I got back to my hotel room and decided to pull out my Bible and read. I found myself rejoicing more and more in what He was revealing to me, and alone in that hotel room I had a very familiar thought, but with entirely different motivations: I desired strongly for a wife, but it was mainly for someone who could not only understand my newfound joy, but rejoice with me! This was a fundamental shift in my desire to be married. No longer was marriage something that I was discontent regarding and was jealous of my friends, nor was the thought of a wife a complete end in itself, but it was a means I wanted so that I might enjoy God even more. I realized the most loving thing in the world for another person is to show God to them.

Now, with that in mind, hear Piper's answer:

It was not good for man to be unable to channel God's grace to others. We come to the fullest experience of God himself when we share what we love about him with others and find that very love increased. So Eve was not in competition with God as a source of Adam's joy. She was a means of increasing Adam's delight in God by what he saw of God in her and by what he could share of God with her.

That's exactly what I felt in those moments, and little has changed since then. I tried conveying with this at least once and twice before. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be married for His sake. And Stuart Schrader, a guy in my study group, made this profound remark: "In that moment, you were His bride. You were no longer the husband, but the bride." That gave me serious pause and is the foundation for this whole entry.

Marriage is a shadow, or a matrix, of a Reality. It is the picture, not the actual location. It is a MIDI version compared to a live performance of The Hallelujah Chorus. And if you are a believer in Christ, you have the Reality, the location, and the live performance. As Piper put it so touchingly in one of his sermons:

Marriage is a shadow of a reality. And if I do not have the shadow, it is no statement on my full participation in the reality being foreshadowed.

So if you find yourself, like me, feeling lonely this Valentine's Day, meditate on the fact that He is the Lover of your soul and that the desires you have for marriage are God-given. He gives us the One who invented marriage and the pleasures it brings. You are a Valentine Bride, someone He has invited to drink at the river of His delights (Psalm 36:8). He is the one in whose presence is fullness of joy and at whose right hand are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11).

In the words of William Cowper, the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will the the flower. Rely on Him, cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you. He is not far off, but the Word is near you, the word of faith that I'm explaining. Bank on Him.

Lord, may we be transformed more into the bride You want us to be, by the power of Your great promises, through the revealing work of Your Spirit. O make us sensible and joyously aware of the beauty of Your holiness. You are indeed enough for all we need, and even the gifts You give us are meant to show us more of You. Give us the grace to wait on You. Do not leave us to weeping, but cause joy to come in the morning. May You be our Valentine.