I’m an uncle x 2!
This morning at 4:00am (March 24), Gabriella Rose Hulson was born to Chris and Megan Hulson. She is 8 lbs. 7 oz. and 21 inches long. After I get off work I’m heading over to Tulsa to introduce myself. :o)
And, of course, snap some pictures.
This is a modified version of Alanis Morissette’s You Owe Me Nothing In Return. This exemplifies what I have received both over and over again from my Savior, and over and over again from my best friend. This is my response to the song that is so very, very close to the truth and beauty of the Gospel, mostly in the form of an incredulous question, as in, “Surely this cannot be!” I didn’t think this was possible, to have someone accept me like this. Not blindly or ignorantly, but with enough awareness to know how difficult I will be to bear.
And she says I owe her nothing in return. I am humbled to the dust. Oh if only we who take on the name of Christ for ourselves would love each other in this way, then surely those who do not esteem Him could not deny the work of grace in our hearts!
You’ll give me countless amounts
of outright acceptance if I want it?
You’ll give me encouragement
to choose the path that I want if I need it?
I can speak of anger and doubts,
my fears and freak-outs and you’ll hold it?
I can share my so-called shame-filled accounts
of times in my life and you won’t judge it?
…and there are no strings attached to it?I owe you nothing for giving the love that you give?!
I owe you nothing for caring the way that you have?
You give me thanks for receiving? It’s your privilege?
And I owe you nothing in return…?I can ask for space for myself
and only myself and you’ll grant it?
I can ask for freedom as well
or time to travel and I’ll have it?
Even though I asked to live by myself
and love someone else, you supported it?
I can ask for anything I want,
anything at all and you’ll understand it?
…and there are no strings attached to it?I owe you nothing for giving the love that you give,
I owe you nothing for caring the way that you have?
You give me thanks for receiving? It’s your privilege?
And I owe you nothing in return?Yes, I sometimes wonder when the next payback shoe will eventually drop.
Yes, I sometimes wonder when your “conditional police” will force me to cough up.
Yes, I sometimes wonder how far I have now danced my way back into debt.
This is the only kind of love as you understand that there really is?I expressed my deepest of truths,
even when it meant you lost me and you heard it?
I fell into the abyss
on my way to my “bliss” and you empathize with me?
I even said I had to skip town
to chase my passion and you heard it?
I even hit rock bottom
and had a crisis of faith and you held it?
…and there are no strings attached to it?I owe you nothing for giving the love that you give,
I owe you nothing for caring the way that you have?
You give me thanks for receiving? It’s your privilege?
And I owe you nothing in return?
Hey, a big shout out to my best friend Rosanna Storey on her successfully received picture that will soon appear on a Jones Soda bottle near you!
Also, another shout out to best guy friend Jonathan Carroll for his winning photo on a Coudal Partners contest. Man, my friends are famous.
This was originally put on my website for a couple of hours back on August 13, 2004, but I removed it for personal reasons. I came across this as I was cleaning out my backup folder on my iPod. I think it’s worth putting back up, especially since I want to update my site but can’t put the time I want to toward a new entry. I loved reading this again because I see a connection between it and what I was reading this morning, Chapter 14 from John Owen’s The Mortification of Sin. Anyway, without further ado….
August 13, 2004
I don’t understand God. I think it’s good to admit that frequently. His ways particularly. Reminds me of a song by delirious? that goes like this:
Mountains High
Sorrow came to visit us today
Was the longest day, was the loneliest day
Sorrow came to steal our hope away
Only tears can tell
Of this holy hourThis mountain’s high, too high for us.
This mountain’s high, too high for us.Sorrow came quicker than a fire
Was the longest day, was the loneliest day.
I feel your hand, the warmth, your sweetest smile
But you slipped away, through the great divide.This mountain’s high, too high for us.
This mountain’s high, too high for us.Your ways are high, too high for us.
Your ways are high, too high for us.Written by Martin Smith ©2003 Curious? Music UK
So I find myself back in Oklahoma after all this time. Square one. I suppose not square one, because God has taught me much and has grown me up. I have no reason to complain. As I was reminded of by my friend Stuart Schrader:
Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12:32)
“We’ve got the kingdom!” he exclaimed to me tonight. “What’s there to complain about?”
Aye. I’ll agree with that. The words to a favorite hymn of mine go like this:
Nothing satisfies but Jesus
Bread of Life to mortals giv’n
May His presence rest upon us
Like the morning dew from heav’n.Give me Jesus! Give me Jesus!
Take the world, but give me Jesus
To satisfy with every blessing
His love and peace my soul possessing.
To all beside, my heart replies:
There’s none but Jesus satisfies.
Things around us will change. Circumstances change. I’m sure you’ve had things in your life that have changed dramatically. How did you respond?
There’s a natural time for grieving, for crying, for weeping. “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). In those times, we’ll likely say things we don’t mean. “Do you think that you can reprove words, when the speech of a despairing man is wind?” (Job 6:26)
BUT DO NOT NEGLECT TO REACH FOR THE PROMISES OF GOD!!!
It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is of no avail. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. (John 6:63)
We should then turn, like Peter, from whatever alternatives at our disposal and say… “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life!” (John 6:68) And oh, there are plenty of alternatives to the despairing soul. But when Jesus offers Himself to us such that we ought to say, “Where else can we go? What other alternative is there?”
Paul reached a point while in Asia where he said that “we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death.” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9a). That is how the suffering soul feels. Have you ever felt tempted by suicide? It promises pleasure by quickly relieving you of the burden of pain. And it can be tempting. I’m sure you’ve felt that way where you just don’t think you can go on, that it feels as if the very breath in your lungs has been taken away from you.
But Paul didn’t stop there. Suicide’s promised pleasure was overshadowed by something more. “But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” (2 Corinthians 1:9b) The design of the pain that Paul experienced was to make him dependent on God. And we see Paul’s trust in the future grace of God when he says, “He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.” (2 Corinthians 1:10)
Are you suffering? Set your hope on God, yes, the God who allowed the pain to come into your life. He has an aim in it. Do not doubt His goodness, whatever befalls. He gives and He takes away. But He Himself is always there despite His gifts. Set your hope on Him, and He will deliver you either by removing the pain, or by giving you the grace to endure.
I guess that’s what it all gets down to. Life can be hell, but heaven awaits. An eternity of joy in knowing Christ Jesus, the image of the invisible God. Cast yourself on that hope, because it’s the only thing that won’t change in your life. Rejoice in that surety and that safety. Bank on it. Bet everything on it.
